Friday, July 30, 2010

Skype & Vegemite.

today was so unsuspecting. just an ordinary day. going to spend my day with the coolest kids this side of the Mississippi. come home make some dinner. watch glee. [do NOT judge me] and go to bed.

but by 11 o'clock tonight it was so much more than an ordinary day. what a day full of joy, encouragement, laughter and skype.

i was able to share in the excitement as my dear friend becomes a 3rd grade teacher. decorating her room and coming up with ideas to make learning fun for her kids. she'll be a phenomenal teacher. she is a gentle, loving, encouraging, patient, honest woman of God. she's taught me so much in 13 years [and counting] i can't imagine what a blessing she will be to those children.

i also got to talk to a friend of mine from college who is now in Australia pursuing God with all his might. my friend, Josh, is going to the Hillsong college in Sydney for the next year [at least]. i'm so proud of him and who he is becoming. Josh and I have quite the history. we've been friends since our sr. year in high school, i think. our friendship would fall under the "how-to-be-a-bad-friend" category. [disclaimer: he knows i'm writing this]

i would attempt putting into words what the last 6 years involved for us, but i'm not sure anyone would get it. we were immature and hateful at times. there was a span of time...maybe 6 months, where i would have said i hated him. for faults i had myself, but wasn't going to admit to anyone. hating him was easier. and of course i was still a church going, tithe giving, God fearing, daughter of God...while i justified all of it until i was blue in the face. josh hated me too, at times. i'm sure of it. we weren't the most gracious to one another. our friends will attest to that.

i'm sure i was making my Father real proud.

I'm not sure when our hearts changed. [i actually typed "I'm not sure what changed our hearts" at first. but realized what a stupid sentence that was to write. i know exactly what changed our hearts.] but when? is the real question. somewhere in between deleting him from my facebook [classy move, you don't have to tell me] and crying from joy when he out of nowhere showed up at a camp i was staffing this summer, my heart changed.

God seriously restored our friendship in ways we can't explain. our friends are still genuinely shocked that we are friends again. i think we are, too.

though i question a lot of our past, i don't at all question what a blessing our friendship is to me now. God healed and restored us. praise Him for that. and maybe someone will see our Father's glory shine through the two of us now.  with Josh being awesome in Australia and me being the nanny to 4 incredible kids...and encouraging each other in that, i pray you see God's glory. 

Josh, i've told you so many times how proud I am of you and what you are doing for the Kingdom. but our Father is even more so. you are talented. He gave you those talents and you are using them for Him. of course, you're going to find yourself in some pretty incredible, unlikely and precious situations. praise Him through it all. and know you're in my heart, prayed for daily and laughed at often. and on the real, don't eat vegemite. 

i hope someone read that and thought it wasn't a waste of time. but that's my selfish need for approval and attention. more than that though, i don't want to forget what that restoration felt like and how far God brought us. 

thanks, Dad, for working on me when i wasn't even aware you were doing anything.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

disney channel love.

can i tell you how much i love being a nanny to these kids? okay, great. thanks.

i love being a nanny to these kids.

i am in love with this family. it has been such a blessing to find myself becoming a part of this family and getting the chance to get to know what life looks like for them.

my first week was exciting and scary at the same time. scary only because who doesn't fear a 3 year old boy (who wants to marry selena gomez) hating you for knocking over his blocks? i'll be the first to admit, it takes a toll on my 23 year old pride when a child doesn't like me. even if it is for giving them juice when they wanted mt. dew. [side note: i am a little concerned with the disney channel as of late. i'm glad the jonas brothers are still sporting their purity rings, but why do 14 year old girls look like they're 27? not okay.]

the last two weeks have been so interesting. i've learned a lot about how i handle situations. the good and bad. i handled some situations better than others. what can ya do? i try not to make the same mistake twice. a girl can only do so  much. good thing God can do more.

i have tomorrow off. i'm excited about this. i am taking a trip to fort smith to see some friends i haven't seen in far too long. i think i appreciate my friendships more lately. i realize that having friends takes a lot of effort now that i'm not in college anymore. people are scattered...and it takes WORK to keep up. so i appreciate it so much when someone makes effort to see me. i hate that i'm 2-4 hours away from most of my friends. i wish i wasn't, but at the same time. i'm where i need to be and don't take the times we are together for granted anymore.

i always want someone to know how thankful i am they have allowed me to be in their life. 
in whatever capacity happens naturally. 
[sometimes it's forced...and ya gotta just "lettigo!" a little Reba quote to spice it up a little.]
Van: I've got two words for you Mrs.H: let-it go
 Reba: Van thats three words 
Van: Not the way i say it: letitgo.

i felt so scattered today. i'm pretty sure that came through in the incredibly cohesive post. but i appreciate that you read this...all 3 of you.  

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

the nanny.

i have a job.

today God gave me a job and took away my fears and concerns about my future. i should have never had  those fears. but then again, eve should not have eaten that apple. oh eve.
i will soon be the nanny for a wonderful family in Springdale. they have 4 children. a 14 year old future pro golfer, a sassy 6 year old, but she's not a diva, a 5 year old girl with cerebral palsy, with a beautiful name [elizabeth], and a 3 year old wild man with a head full of blonde curls. 

these kids are full of life, love and a looooot of energy. and i couldn't be more excited to see what this is going to look like. God has placed this family in my life and i am so grateful. to be given the chance to become a part of this family and learn about these people is something i have to praise God for.

this is exactly what i need. and God knew that. so kudos, Dad. thanks for everything.

i'm about to have some real good stories...get ready. set go.

Friday, July 16, 2010

home is where His heart is.

my trip home has been beyond therapeutic. it's been so nice to be reminded that my world has not crumbled to the ground, my life is still good and my love is still worth giving.

being around friends has been the kick in my pants i've needed. [a not so violent kick in the pants. a love kick, if you will]

being alone in Fayetteville has given me plenty of time to believe the lies Satan was telling me. i forgot that i am and will continue to be a product of the Glory of God at work.

i got fired.

so what.

i have no idea why. i wasn't given a reason. and i only see 5 minutes in front of me. God sees it all and He had a reason for taking me out of that situation and putting me where I am. had I not lost my job, I wouldn't have been able to go to Super Summer. and i can say without a doubt, i made friendships this year that will last a lifetime, memories that i will never forget, and through camp, God began revealing to me His plan. a very small  part of His plan, but part of it none the less.

so tomorrow i go back to Fayetteville with my big girl britches on and i'm going to do this with God's help. i pray He gives me favor for the jobs i apply for and that i see where He wants to place me.

i'm really excited to see what's next. and that's so nice to say...and feel.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

heading out to change a few things.

I'm going home. Not my eternal Home. That would be nice though. What a glorious day it will be when I can just with God.

I need my home though. I need some comfort. I have been so uncomfortable throughout this last month. Not sure of what to do with my life, not sure what to do with my day, not even sure what to wear [i'm embarrassed at how many times i change clothes in a day....and i'm not even leaving the house. i've never been like this]

So I'm going to figure some things out in the next couple of days. I feel like God has been standing right in front of me for quite some time and I have been looking in every direction but straight. So I'm looking so many ways.

I'm looking forward to my Father. And He'll clue me in to the big mystery that is my future. I don't expect to know where I'll be working or where I will be. And maybe it'll be a while before He tells me. But to put it simply....

it's not about me. at all.

So I'm making this about Him. What does He want from me? What does He want me to do? Where does He want me to go? If I hear an audible voice, I'll be sure to let you know.

Sorry so much of this is cryptic and vague. I feel the same way. Believe me when I say, I don't aim to be cryptic. Transparency is my specialty. Even when I don't want to be....


she packed up her potential and all she had learned, grabbed a cute pair of 
shoes and headed out to change a few things.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

water is falling from the sky.

So I could make this sound so picturesque.

I'm sitting on my porch swing as it rains...and just as I typed that a faint rumble of thunder rolled across the sky. I'm drinking coffee out of a blue and brown mug my roommate made and I'm wearing an over sized red and black plaid button up and running shorts [that i don't run in.] Oh yeah...this couldn't get any better. ...please.

Life for me has shifted so much lately. I moved to Fayetteville 5 months ago. Found a job and a house. Got fired from my job last month. That sucked. No way around it. I just got a roommate this week. A beautiful blonde with blue eyes and a nose ring who now works at a bakery and makes wonderful cupcakes.

I'm still without a job. But am about to apply to go overseas with an organization called Pure Mission. I am excited to see what needs God will meet in Malawi. Look up Pure Mission. It's pretty incredible. Along with so many other organizations God has worked through.

[second cup of coffee]

I see so many moments in the last month when I have been less than trusting of God. So many times when I just shut down. I think that's my M.O. when it comes to difficult times lately. I don't like that about myself. I used to be the girl who would fall to my knees, pray and thank God for breath before I would ever shut down. And's been months since I've sat before my God and just appreciated His Glory.

I did last night though. I did the cliche Sunday school move...turned on some worship music [some nice Phil Wickham tunes] and got on my knees at the side of my bed. I felt like I should have been a 6 year old praying for an A on a spelling test the next day at school. But I felt like a messy 23 year old woman who needed to remember what her Dad's voice sounded like.

I didn't hear anything. I'd be lying to you if I said so. But it was a huge step in the right direction. God knew I was there for Him. Nothing else had my attention. I didn't say anything and neither did He. I think for the first time in a while I was with God. Just with Him. Not asking for something or praising Him. Because honestly, I haven't had a very gracious heart lately. But just being in His presence with nothing else on my agenda. I think He appreciated that.

And now I'm still sitting on my porch, nothing has changed in my circumstances. I still have no job. Not enough money to pay my bills. No real idea of what life will look like a month from now. But there is water falling from the sky.

Water. Falling. From. The. Sky.

Shouldn't that amaze us? It amazes me.