Sunday, April 25, 2010

On paper...

God is real.

I don't know if I live my life like I know that is true some days.

I've been struggling lately. Satan has taken some blows at my confidence and sanity. And unfortunately I've not done a very good job of remembering that my confidence is found in Christ and not my job, friends, family or myself. I told a friend that little bit of truth just this week, but completely missed how relevant it was to my own restoration.

I'm going to really honest.

My life looks really put together right now.

I graduated from college in December.
Moved to Fayetteville in January.
Got a wonderful job and house in February.

That's how life goes, right? On paper my world could not have been better. But I couldn't keep that up any longer.

I hit a brick wall two days ago and realized my life isn't what it needs to be. I don't think I'm accomplishing much for the Kingdom right now.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

don't forget to remember.

My life has shifted quite a bit in the last 5 months. I regret that I haven't written any of it down, really. But this is my attempt at putting my heart into words.

I graduated in December from Arkansas Tech with a degree in Journalism/PR. I wasn't looking forward to graduation my entire college career until a week before it was over. I think that's alright, too. I know so many people who don't want to leave college...and that's fine. But what good is wanting something that you simply can't have? I couldn't stay in college...I couldn't continue to live next door to my best friends and eat mediocre meals in the caf. [grad school..yeah yeah]

So I think it's a good place to be when you can say you wanted to be in college while you were there, and when it ended you wanted whatever was next.

This may be common sense to some people...and probably is. But I recently talked to a friend of mine who felt guilty for wanting to move on from college. She has one week left of school...and I think she is lucky to be ready and willing to shift with life. Not everyone gets there. Not everyone can handle such change and the unknown of what life will look like.

But this isn't about how glad I am to be out of school. I loved it. I appreciate that I was able to experience that. I learned more out of class than in...and I feel I'm not alone in that.

I threw plates off of a mountain [illegally] and would do it again if I could. I cried a lot and laughed more. I truly loved my 4 [and 1/2 :)] years in college. I don't want to forget the many times we went to Paradise Donuts at 3 am to get fresh donuts during finals week. I loved living in Caraway the first two years. All girls. All the time. It was emotional, overwhelming and the best place I could have been. Being in Hall Government. Watching movies w/ the boys of Massie Hall [RIP] and hearing the international students playing piano in the lobby...that beautiful lobby. It was a ball room.

Oh that ball room...that we turned into a dance floor for Halloween. I dressed up as a salt shaker with a white plastic bag and a paper plate. I shook it like a salt shaker, I might add. A good friend Kirby dressed as a ghost. The scariest thing there. Quite the mystery man getting attention from freshman girls wearing their underwear as a costume. [I'll never support that fad] Living with Stacy Cochran freshman year and Leslie Parker my sophomore the same room both years. It was wonderful. We were right across the hall from the bathroom. Prime real estate.

Living with Leslie was like living with sunshine...minus the sunburn. She was such an encouragement. That was the year mom got diagnosed with breast cancer. Leslie was in the right place at the right time. I couldn't have gone through that without her prayer and friendship. That goes for so many of my friends that year. Cancer shook my family to the core. But God is at the core of who I am. That won't ever change.

I'm writing all of this down so I don't forget. But truly, I have already forgotten a lot of it. But I won't forget how I felt. Who I was and who I am now. Through the messy break-ups, fights between friends and constantly looking for God...I grew a lot.

Into someone I'm proud of most days. And when I'm not too proud of always is. She's good at that.

I'm blessed...even on bad days.

[I'll cover where I am now, tomorrow...]

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

job. job. job. job. job. job.

I got a job today. One of the greatest feelings I've had in a while.

I met a family last week at a bible study with Lauren Taylor's church. The wife, Jennifer, is the marketing/pr coordinator for her father's orthodontic business. And she needs an assistant.

That's where God comes in. And I follow.

Praise the One who provides for His children.

This is an incredible season in my life. One that I pray I don't forget when it ends. I am excited to see what I will learn about myself and my God. And I couldn't be more blessed to have a wonderful woman of God as a boss.

Thank You. Thank You. Thank You.

Feb. 1, 2010

peas and carrots.

I never know what is about to come out of my finger tips when I begin to write. [figuratively, not literally, of course]

I want to sound cool, well spoken, artistic, deep, witty, original, hilarious, and intelligent with a dash of sarcasm.

Doesn't everyone? I will be the first to admit my desire to make myself look incredibly attractive over a blog. And it all started with Xanga crushes. Oh gracious...I can't tell you how many boys I would have walked down the aisle with, simply because they sounded cool on Xanga. [only if their picture was up to my standards, obviously] Back when there was no Facebook, MySpace, Twitter or blogging. Seriously...what good times. [I say this as I contemplate a better title for my blog]

I can promise you this, I won't ever have pictures of the awesome stuff I make/cook/sew/knit/bake/do. My life doesn't translate well into pictures. But I'm thankful the fullness of my life isn't judged by the pictures I am in.

So here I am. Recent college graduate. A degree in journalism [emphasis in public relations]. Moving out of my mother's house to Fayetteville. I am looking for a job and a place to live. And I don't know if I could be in a better place. That's a nice thing to say.

So whether or not I accomplished my desire of looking awesome, that is the first of many attempts. [oh dear. if that ever becomes a goal of mine, please, make me eat an onion. i hate onions.]

January 30, 2010