Sunday, December 26, 2010

new year. new day. new breath.

So let me give you a little insight into my situation at this very moment:

I am apartment/cat sitting for one of the many cute married couples I am lucky enough to know. They are off doing something with mountains, tents, fire and beards. But I walk into this cute artsy apartment tonight to find an angry cat who is not happy I'm about to invade his space. But I'm going to make this cat like me. I mean really? I'm gosh darn lovable! You WILL LOVE ME.

I'm actually pretty thrilled to be able to stay at their place because they live much closer to my work. They are saving me at least a tank of gas this week. I'm tooooo the mooooon! So let's add on to me already being pumped I get to stay here...I look on the counter and to my surprise I have puppy chow, instructions on how to make this cat love me, a scarf sweet Rosie made for me, and some cash money sitting there just for me. I had to refrain from eating the entire bag of puppy chow while reading my instructions for the week. I need to space it out over the week, right? Right?

But now after seeing how many times the cat can hiss at me in one night, I'm in bed  at 1 AM. I have work at 5:30 AM. Tell when you realize that I should have been asleep 4 hours ago.

My mind won't stop. I think some has to do with a new place, though I feel at home. But I do have so much on my mind. Too much for my fingers to keep up with tonight, that's for sure.

However, I do need to say a few things. Maybe it'll help me get some shut eye.

2010 wasn't my finest year. I'm not sure what you can accredit that to. I imagine most [all] of it will point back at me, but until I realize easy on me. I had some amazing high points and some unfortunate low points. But to be really honest, I'm so glad to see 2010 go. I've found myself loooooonging for 2011. I keep saying to myself how great a year it will be. It'll be a much better year and I can officially put the bad stuff behind me. But how silly a thought! I don't need a new year. I'm not even promised all 365 days of this "great year."

I'm not even promised a new day. So I have to calm myself down and realize what a new breath can mean. There's a Needtobreathe song "Let Us Love" and it says "every breath brings a chance for redemption" and I'm in love with that concept.

I don't need a new year. I have breath...and right now I am so humbled by that.

I'm crying at the thought that each breath I am taking is a true gift. Better than a Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle. I want to say thank you with each breath He gives me, but I will choose to live graciously and pray that He is pleased with the words I say.

Oh, silly me. I don't need a new year. I am given a chance to restoration and redemption more times than I can count. I'm going to start breathing...and I'm not waiting until 2011.

 The Spirit of God has made me; 
   the breath of the Almighty gives me life. 
Job 33:4

A breath is a powerful thing.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

yeah. my heart?

Oh! If only I didn't fall in love everyday with the attractive bearded wonder who comes in to Starbucks every so often and bobs in head to "Jingle Bells" as it plays over the speakers for the 2709823098 time this morning. He has no idea I notice that he bobs his head and chances are good that he wouldn't know I'm alive if I didn't hand him his tall coffee. But I'm in love with him. Cute huh?

That's how my mind so easily works if I let it do what it wants.

My recent move has brought along a lot of new fellas. As a single 23 year old girl who has a tendency to be in love with love, I'm too the moon about this new development. But as a level headed Christian woman who's attempting to be more Christ like with each day, this could do a number on me and my heart.

When I was in high school I painted the phrase "Not Mine to Give" on the wall in my room. God and I were talking one night and He slapped me across the face with the harsh reality that I was giving my heart away to any boy who would show me attention and without their knowledge! In subtle ways I was losing the precious innocence that is so hard to regain once it's gone. So He so gently reminded me that it wasn't my heart to give in the first place.

For a while [as these things so often start] me, God and my heart were great. I knew He would give the right man my heart and the right time. I knew there would be a lot going on before I would even be notified that this boy had my heart and I was good with it. God would let me know when I needed to know.

I forgot to mention, the heart that I gave God...had a little string attached and as soon as some handsome somebody came around, I pulled that string and yanked my heart out of His hands. I was back in control, baby.

Worst. Idea. Ever.

So flash forward to today. I'm in love with a bearded wonder. Trying to walk in front of him as many times as possible so he'll look at me. And maybe after the 17th time, he'll realize I'm his future wife and strike up a casual conversation about how cold it's been lately and then ask for my number. We'll go on a few dates and the rest is cake. Love. All day everyday.

Can I put my heart back in my Dad's hands again? And cut that string? Yes? That would be AWESOME. I'm working on that. STAT.

Friday, December 10, 2010

update update.

I have a tendency of over thinking what I'm going to write and, I just feel like writing.

There's been, as always it seems, a lot of change lately.

In the last month I got a job at Starbucks. I know some people have a hard time with Starbucks for 230820398 reasons. But they are a great company who takes care of their employees with amazing benefits and a business model I can stand behind. I have been blessed with such a great staff at the store and LOVE our customers. I know with my college degree making coffee for a living doesn't seem like it would define "success" for me. But right now...I'm completely satisfied, fulfilled and full of joy each time I go to work.

The one down fall is working the morning shift and waking up at 4. I love the people who come in, but 4 o'clock AM is not my favorite. Nothing is perfect, right?

I'm still living in Bryant with Jessica and am loving it. We have a great Christmas tree [two actually]. It's fun. I'll post pictures later. We have a lot of fun. Late night talks and funfetti cookies are our specialty. However, I will be moving into Little Rock in the next couple of months. My drive each day is brutal and I can't seem to justify spending that much money in gas if I have the opportunity to move closer.

I know it seems life has been anything but consistent for me the last year. And really, it hasn't.

But I'm wear I'm going to stay for a while. I'm setting my feet on the ground and I'm going to enjoy every minute of it. No one can take this joy away from me. God has provided so much. It's only because He's real that I'm alive...

So that's an update of sorts. For myself, really. So in a few years I won't forget to remember what a season of provision I am experiencing.

To God be all the glory.