Oh! If only I didn't fall in love everyday with the attractive bearded wonder who comes in to Starbucks every so often and bobs in head to "Jingle Bells" as it plays over the speakers for the 2709823098 time this morning. He has no idea I notice that he bobs his head and chances are good that he wouldn't know I'm alive if I didn't hand him his tall coffee. But I'm in love with him. Cute huh?
That's how my mind so easily works if I let it do what it wants.
My recent move has brought along a lot of new fellas. As a single 23 year old girl who has a tendency to be in love with love, I'm too the moon about this new development. But as a level headed Christian woman who's attempting to be more Christ like with each day, this could do a number on me and my heart.
When I was in high school I painted the phrase "Not Mine to Give" on the wall in my room. God and I were talking one night and He slapped me across the face with the harsh reality that I was giving my heart away to any boy who would show me attention and without their knowledge! In subtle ways I was losing the precious innocence that is so hard to regain once it's gone. So He so gently reminded me that it wasn't my heart to give in the first place.
For a while [as these things so often start] me, God and my heart were great. I knew He would give the right man my heart and the right time. I knew there would be a lot going on before I would even be notified that this boy had my heart and I was good with it. God would let me know when I needed to know.
I forgot to mention, the heart that I gave God...had a little string attached and as soon as some handsome somebody came around, I pulled that string and yanked my heart out of His hands. I was back in control, baby.
Worst. Idea. Ever.
So flash forward to today. I'm in love with a bearded wonder. Trying to walk in front of him as many times as possible so he'll look at me. And maybe after the 17th time, he'll realize I'm his future wife and strike up a casual conversation about how cold it's been lately and then ask for my number. We'll go on a few dates and the rest is cake. Love. All day everyday.
Can I put my heart back in my Dad's hands again? And cut that string? Yes? That would be AWESOME. I'm working on that. STAT.