So I could make this sound so picturesque.
I'm sitting on my porch swing as it rains...and just as I typed that a faint rumble of thunder rolled across the sky. I'm drinking coffee out of a blue and brown mug my roommate made and I'm wearing an over sized red and black plaid button up and running shorts [that i don't run in.] Oh yeah...this couldn't get any better. ...please.
Life for me has shifted so much lately. I moved to Fayetteville 5 months ago. Found a job and a house. Got fired from my job last month. That sucked. No way around it. I just got a roommate this week. A beautiful blonde with blue eyes and a nose ring who now works at a bakery and makes wonderful cupcakes.
I'm still without a job. But am about to apply to go overseas with an organization called Pure Mission. I am excited to see what needs God will meet in Malawi. Look up Pure Mission. It's pretty incredible. Along with so many other organizations God has worked through.
[second cup of coffee]
I see so many moments in the last month when I have been less than trusting of God. So many times when I just shut down. I think that's my M.O. when it comes to difficult times lately. I don't like that about myself. I used to be the girl who would fall to my knees, pray and thank God for breath before I would ever shut down. And now...it's been months since I've sat before my God and just appreciated His Glory.
I did last night though. I did the cliche Sunday school move...turned on some worship music [some nice Phil Wickham tunes] and got on my knees at the side of my bed. I felt like I should have been a 6 year old praying for an A on a spelling test the next day at school. But I felt like a messy 23 year old woman who needed to remember what her Dad's voice sounded like.
I didn't hear anything. I'd be lying to you if I said so. But it was a huge step in the right direction. God knew I was there for Him. Nothing else had my attention. I didn't say anything and neither did He. I think for the first time in a while I was with God. Just with Him. Not asking for something or praising Him. Because honestly, I haven't had a very gracious heart lately. But just being in His presence with nothing else on my agenda. I think He appreciated that.
And now I'm still sitting on my porch, nothing has changed in my circumstances. I still have no job. Not enough money to pay my bills. No real idea of what life will look like a month from now. But there is water falling from the sky.
Water. Falling. From. The. Sky.
Shouldn't that amaze us? It amazes me.