There are a few things I need to get out of my head before I can sleep tonight. For some reason today has been mentally taxing. And...go:
1. I was good at being in college.
My sweet friend, Bekah, said that in conversation last night and it resonated in my soul. I have been trying to articulate how exactly I feel now that I am no longer a college student. A college graduate, I am. So weird. But I haven't been able to really put it in the simplest terms. [I'm long winded, I know] But man, I was good at college. I was great at staying up late and getting donuts at 3 a.m., living with best friends, going to the caf and eating mediocre food, at walking to class and saying hi to everyone, at being on time for class and occasionally having my homework. I was a good college student. It was my element. My comfort zone.
I'm not in college anymore.
2. Making friends is HARD.
I'm experiencing this wonderful season in life right now. This season is called: elizabethisterribleatmakingfriendsinfayetteville.
I get that I don't come across as someone who has a hard time meeting new people. And I don't, usually. But I feel so out of place in Fayetteville most days. And when a girl isn't on her home turf...it's a whole new ballgame. I conveniently turn into this awkward homebody who bakes a lot, instead of the girl who faces the world head on and as I shake your hand and introduce myself I tell you some interesting fact about myself like "I was born at home!" or "I have a freckle on my lip! See!"
3. I wish most boys weren't scared of girls.
[this is a general statement]
Boys are scared of girls when we cry, talk about emotions, want to "have a "D.T.R" [define the relationship. which girls so often desire, while boys are completely content in the ambiguous relationship], try to talk about serious situations [whether it's about the boy or not]...or even if a girl so much as looks at him.
I don't like that at all. It makes us girls feel like we are "too much." And I refuse to believe that I am too much. I was told that once by an ex-boyfriend as he broke up with me. I occasionally think of that and still want to kick him in the goober.
When a girl wants to have a friendship with a boy, it's not laced with wedding plans.
Sometimes the girl just wants to have a guy care about her appropriately, as a friend...the way she cares for him. And on occasion, that will turn into romantic interest for the two of them. [ENTER: ambiguous relationship] Nothing needs clarification. Things just are. And can be that way for while. Until the girl gets tired of not talking to the boy all day and then receiving the "Goodnight :)" text at crazy hours of the night. No, sir. Ladies do not appreciate that, fellas. If we are important to you, let us know up front. I can speak for the girls I know, and say this: we aren't crazy. We aren't picking out our wedding colors just because we spent an hour on the phone with you. I think it's safe to say we have matured enough to stop rating our compatibility on how long we talk on the phone or how many times you ":)" in a text. Be real with us. Be a man.
[I'm going to stop myself. I am feeling a tad high school-ish for saying all that I have. But I know it's still true today, as 20 somethings, and possibly as 30 somethings. And I could go on forever about boys. boys. boys. But I also believe that I know some of the finest men this world has to offer. Friends who mow my yard, eat my cooking and enjoy my company almost as much as I enjoy theirs]
Girls are not too much. Girls are not crazy. Girls are not boys.
And all of that is okay.
I told you I was long winded....